In Sickness and in Self

I've been feeling quite sick and under the weather lately, and not the i-have-the-flu kind. It's not debilitating enough to handicap me to do things or to sing. It's really more of a weak body that may just succcumb to full-blown sickness anytime soon.

stocking up on honey, vitamin C, and peppermint tea helps heaps

The weather in Manila has been unpredictable these past few weeks, shifting from extreme heat to heavy downpour without being considerate enough to at least warn us with gloomy skies or a casual pre-rain drizzle. This crazy weather is enough reason to be sick, for sure.

Still, I know me. The times I get sick almost always coincide with the times when I'm being too hard on myself, or the opposite. Since childhood I've been oddly aware of how my health goes. I know when I'm about to get sick, and know how to remedy it. Growing up with doctors really helped me gain that awareness. But more than the physical side of sickness, I've always had an understanding that sickness is akin to an alarm that goes off, a signal that we need to be in tune with ourselves once again.

It's my non-stop chattering mind that's been bugging me lately, worrying about the future, anxious about problems, as I am in limbo right now in some aspects of my life. It doesn't help that I'm turning freakin' 27 in a few weeks. Surely everyone has their own limbos, their own existential crises. If you're like me who constantly asks, "what is my purpose in life?", then you know how this limbo feels. Haha.

With laughs aside, being sick is something I'm actually grateful for, as it somehow *forces* me to sit down, take it easy, write, watch movies I don't have to analyze extensively...to just be kinder to myself. Self-sabotage is something I'm amazing at, and what I have to give up to live a full life, yes yes. (cue om meditation music with Zen master speaking in a monotone voice)

Sickness is a way to return to "self", to be authentic. It could mean anything for anyone-- being more decisive and making a leap, taking a pause from working too much and just relaxing, or living healthier and junking junk food (for the time being, or permanently if you may).

In my case, it's about eating more of this yummy porridge.

soothing 

Stay healthy :)

♫♪,

Ivee